Silence. I suddenly hear the patter of hoofs in the distance; and I immediately perk up. I have been following this one for the entire, and I'm not coming back emty-handed... again. Ralph and his minion, Fatty, have been whining about my perserverance. They're not doing anything important. Ralph's building treehouses and Fatty's abysitting. Now is that what leadership is? I don't think so. I'm off gettting food for everyone and they're giving me a tough time because I haven't been very successful? Come on! I dare them to try hunting, I know they wouldn't last a second. I furtively begin to crawl through the jungle, tightly clasping my spear and sniffing the air for any traces of where the pig went. The heat of the afternoon had made my shirt oppresive, therefore I had taken it off; exposing my raw back to even more burn. I paused for a second, to take in the view of the beach. Through the tendrils of the forest; I could see the beach, the glimmer of the lagoon, but the ocean was almost inscrutable. I had to admire God's way of festooning the jungle with barbs, it showed the danger of beauty. That's why I like rough, sharp, cold objects. You know the scary things are dangerous, and you have no surprises.
Abruptly, I heard a call from the distance. I'm not sure if its animal or human, so I decide to check it out. There sitting high up in a tree, is Simon. I immediately stand up straight, and try to act dignified. I know Ralph's around here somewhere. True enough, Ralph comes strolling up. I flaunt my spear as a warning. He then accuses me of playing in the jungle. He's the one that's playing. When I tell him this, he seems to be bewildered, and tells me that HE'S been working so very hard, and I haven't helped.
I think Ralph is starting to act like Fatty. He's constantly whining, falsely accuses people, and has to be the center of attention. You know what? They should just make their own little colony with whoever wants to come with them, and I'll run my own colony. I'm sure they'd come crawling back to me within a week. Yeah, that's a good idea...
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6 comments:
In this sentence...I think Ralph is starting to act like Fatty. He's constantly whining, falsely accuses people, and has to be the center of attention. You know what? They should just make their own little colony with whoever wants to come with them, and I'll run my own colony. I'm sure they'd come crawling back to me within a week. Yeah, that's a good idea...
You really do a good job of showing what is going on in Jacks mind though this part of the book.
When you say "Ralph's building treehouses and Fatty's abysitting." It explains how he feels but you might want to look through you work and correct mistakes like in the sentence where it says "abysitting." Don't worry I need to check my work too. Other than that I love your story it really shows Jack's point of view.
Hey Annelise-
I thought that your story really showed what Jack was feeling and it covered all of the aspects of a true point of view. I just noticed that you have a few spelling mistakes and grammar in the opening paragraph. Otherwise, I really did enjoy reading your story and my favorite part was the end when he says he'll start his own colony. It makes me want to keep on reading -skylar
I like how Jack kind of questions himself, it really gives an explanation of how hes really feeling : "Now is that what leadership is? I don't think so. I'm off gettting food for everyone and they're giving me a tough time because I haven't been very successful? Come on!"
I also like how you compared Ralph and "Fatty" together, as Jack. It explains a lot about him as well : "I think Ralph is starting to act like Fatty. He's constantly whining, falsely accuses people, and has to be the center of attention."
Normally in the blog entries that I have seen, people show their opinion on the story, but you can never tell just by the text whose side their coming from. In yours I could tell very easily that you were coming from Jack's point of view. I believe that this entry was well written and truthfully, I don't have anything to criticize you on, for once! Ha ha, well great job using the words fluently in your piece. It made all the difference.
Your story really shows how jacks opionon. I really liked the part when you said " I furtively begin to crawl through the jungle, tightly clasping my spear and sniffing the air for any traces of where the pig went" It was very discriptive. good job
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